There are days when we become so grief stricken over this that we feel like the mourning period will never cease. We find ourselves crying at every thought of Shelby or when we glance at his picture or when we hear a certain song playing that triggers a memory, our hearts become filled with sorrow. There are other days when we become so angry at the injustice of his gruesome and ghastly murder that we want to scream as loud as we can so that someone would listen and take notice and help us by working towards justice. There are days when we sink so low into depression that we do not wish to get out of bed and face the day, because the one person who was part of our daily lives is no longer there to talk with, share our hearts desires and fears with, or laugh and enjoy life with. The emotions that we face are literally like some bizarre nightmarish roller coaster ride that never seems to end. We face long ,hard , and painful days and sleepless nights as we think back to that horrible night searching and combing through Yellow Creek to find his lifeless body. We feel alienated by law enforcement who seem to not put much emphasis on this case. (We know they are doing there job, but we the family feel uninformed and avoided). We have many questions that we feel we will never receive answers to.
We wonder how someone as kind and gentle as Shelby, who never could speak a harsh word, who did not raise his voice, who was terribly afraid to even hurt someone else’s feelings, who would rather take the pain upon himself then let another one bear any, why he had to die like he did. We wonder how his only son, whom he loved deeply and tried to help in every possible way mistreated him, verbally, emotionally and allegedly murdered him. We ask ourselves why he had to endure all the things we know he had to in his last moments on earth.
We ask ourselves if the justice system will be fair and we contemplate the outcome of this whole mess. Will we see Shelby Millers death vindicated and avenged in a court of law? Will the people involved in this give enough attention to this man’s case since he was poor? Are they following every lead in the case and taking everything seriously? Will they play the game of watered down injustice and let Travis cop to some fabricated mental plea? Will he get a lesser sentence because there is not murder weapon? Will the murder weapon be found as we believe some people other than Travis knows exactly where it is.
When anyone dies it is a tragic thing to endure and grief follows. When they die of illness or natural causes we have an explanation and we accept it and after a time of mourning begin to put the pieces of our lives back together. But when someone is violently butchered there is no explanation. The questions that linger and go on unanswered are a torture to the ones left behind. The pain of the loss seems to us to be intensified. That is in part because when someone is murdered it means it was not their appointed time to die. Their life was viciously taken from them by another and it leaves a great void in everyone who is connected to the one who was slaughtered. Shelby’s family and friends have all talked and agree ,that as time goes forward ,our pain is worse than in the beginning of this traumatic event. There is no closure for the grieving. His body, by the time it was found, was so badly decomposed we had to have cremation. We did not get to say our goodbyes and Travis stole that from us as well as he stole Shelby’s life.
As Travis inflicted pain on Shelby he injured our hearts and spirits. As he held him down and shot him in the back of the head like a coward, he shot agony into our minds. As Travis dug into the pockets of the deceased s body and turned them inside out to take the money he had on him, he in a sense reached in and turned our lives inside out. As he drug the lifeless corpse that was Shelby Miller to hide in the brush, he drug our lives into the pit of despair. As he fled en route to Tennessee, and went on a shopping spree with Shelby’s stolen credit cards and stolen truck he made the hope flee from our hearts and souls of ever seeing our beloved Shelby again.
We know that the wheels of justice turn very slowly. We know that in all likelihood this will take years to come to fruition. But we are outraged and angry about it. Travis has a private investigator that we the taxpayers are paying for. He has rights in prison, yet he has stolen our right to be with our loved one. Yes we know he has the right to his defense in this country. But it is outrageous that these agencies of law enforcement take their sweet time in these cases. That this nightmare could just drag on an on.
We are incensed at all that has happened and we call for justice to be done. We are justifiably enraged that Shelby had to be beaten, and murdered, that his body was hidden out in the elements. We are angry that Travis could come here and take Shelby away from us. We are irate that he came here at all! Our fear is that he will eventually get out and beware as no one will be safe. He has a vicious and evil heart and if he put his mind to it, would kill again. He must be kept inside prison walls. Our sons, daughters, parents, nieces and nephews , brothers and sisters could be at risk. He may be loose in your community one day to commit these atrocious crimes again. We do not want to see that happen. No one should ever have to endure the pain and anguish that we feel.
The depth of the pain we feel is so severe and it is a wound that is not healing. Family and friends are still not able to face this as a reality. Shelby’s neighbor made a shrine of sorts with his picture and put it up in the front room window. This same neighbor has told the family that she believed that Shelby was an angel sent to live among men as he was so kind hearted. At the time of his death, neighbors tended to the beautiful garden he had planted in his yard to keep it going in his memory. If you go to the store by his house and they know you are a friend or family, they tell you how much they liked him and miss him, some tell this with a tear in their eye.
This man truly left a wonderful mark on the hearts of those he came into contact with. For people who barely knew him, to grieve so hard over his death ,tells you what kind of a special person that he was. We, the ones who knew him, were better people because of Shelby F. Miller. We miss him more and more everyday, and we question our ability to go on without him in our lives. We know that we have fond memories and good times to reflect on, and perhaps one day they will be remembered with joy instead of heartache, but right now we cannot do that. Perhaps once Travis is forever locked behind bars we will begin to have some closure and we can begin down the road of mourning properly. At that time, we can know that we have done all we can as family and friends to avenge Shelby’s vicious and senseless murder.
But for now, we try to take each day one at a time. We mourn hard and try to push back the tears to get through our day. We cry at night when we return to our home from work, and sometimes we wail in the pain and anguish of our lost loved one. Those of us who loved Shelby go through the motions of daily living, but we are not whole. We waken in the morning, we go to our jobs and we come home, yet we have no peace and we know that something is missing and out of place. We know and have a hope that one day we will see our Shelby again and we cling hard to that knowledge. Yet, until that time, our hearts remain heavy and our lives seem so empty.
here are some excerpts from Shelby's Facebook page the night befoe his funeral that people posted to him:
It is the night before your service and I cant stop thinking about you, remembering all the holidays we spent together, you on the couch after we ate and falling asleep stuffed from all the pie you ate, you sure loved your pie didnt ya, it will not be the same without you here, I will miss your laugh and all those pran...ks you pulled on me that I never got to repay. I remember our last chat on the phone, you laughing at me. I wished I would have told you that day that I loved you, you know that I do.You became a part of our family long ago and we are blessed to have had you in our lives.Tonight you are here with us for one last time on this earth. But you will always be here in our hearts Shelby, we love you...........
someone else wrote:
How do I say good buy to you today? I can feel your arms around me hugging me and crying on my sholder with me. I still carry the angel pendant in my car you gave me it was a angel for grandma do you remember? Now it is a Angel of you also. This is so hard to do. Please let not this be true. I know what you would say t...o me today if you were here by myside. But its just to hard. I will miss you truely.
another friend wrote:
leavin u some luv here for all to see. my best friend. i miss you..... u r the world to so many. we will never forget..... much love for the deepest of my heart....... until we meet again on the other shore....... God speed. n we will not rest till debts are paid..
others left poems or just conveyed thier sympathies to him personally as if he were reading them. We miss and love you Shelby!
Here are some links that may be found helpful dealing with the grief and loss of a murdered loved one. I found them to help me see things a little more clearly. I, like most of us, was taking the blame for this. I know that grief is a process and it takes different times and comes out different in each of us. I hope this can help us.
This next link deals with someone being murdered by a family member
